Brittany's transformation

Brittany: Before

I can recall a distinct memory from my high school years of watching a TV show where a woman shaved her head because she crossed the equator.   I remember feeling a desire to cut my hair short too.  I felt instantly guilty for having this thought because boys have short hair and girls have long hair. 

One week ago today I shaved my head.  I stood in front of a full length mirror with a pair of scissors and I watched my silky dark brown curls fall to the ground.  I didn’t feel a bit of sadness.  On the contrary, my face hurt from smiling.  I was surrounded by a very supportive group of people.   It was the most liberating experience of my life.  

During the process I thought about everyone who made me feel bad about my body.  I dredged up the embarrassment and hurt after being teased for my freckles, my mustache, the bump on my nose, my dark arm hair, and my short stubby nails.  I internalized every comment and have never forgotten them.  Some still make me feel self conscious.  Shaving my head symbolizes me refusing to allow others to hurt my self esteem again.

This act also symbolizes my refusal to follow social norms.  I don’t want to do something just because everyone else says it is acceptable.  Who gets to decide what is acceptable?  Numerous people in my life stated before I left for South Africa, “Britt, please don’t do it, your hair is so nice.”  And I complacently listened.  But those people are not around me now.  I only have myself on this journey of self realization and at the end of the day it is not their opinion that matters.  

We are all sent messages about what is acceptable and what is not.  Men and women both are targeted to have a very specific body type, skin color, and hair style among a million other non important qualities.  I want to know why it is acceptable for women to have long hair on their heads but hairless everywhere else.  Armpit hair, leg hair, and pubic hair is actually upsetting for some people to see on women. 

 If you are wondering, “Why is she so defiant of beauty standards?” the answer is very simple.  I want to love myself today.  I don’t want to wake up and need lotions, mouse, sprays, creams, makeup, and razors to make me feel better about my body.  The days of feeling anxious because I didn’t go to the gym, leave the house with my hair done, or a full face of makeup, are gone.  I will never look at a Marie Claire magazine and say I wish I could look like her.  I am free from the grasp of the media.  Advertising funds our mass media.  Commercials purposefully make women feel bad about their bodies.  When you feel bad you buy more unnecessary scam products to make you feel good.  If you turned the TV on and saw women of all shapes and sizes would you buy that product that runs on self-loathing?  NO you would not.  The cost to our consumer driven society is women’s self esteem.

People in Cape Town have mixed reactions to my hair cut.  It is more common to see black women with very short hair then white women.  Positive reactions to my new look have been, “Nice style maam” or “Hi, G.I. Jane.”  Some men have pointed at my head and laughed.  Some women have snickered in each other ears just loud enough for me to hear them ask each other, “Why would you ever do that?” 

I feel ecstatic.  I have never felt so beautiful, sexy, and confident.  I walk taller and more proud.  My large hazel eyes, lips, and huge smile stand out and are breathtaking!  I feel free from the confines that others have put on me.  I said goodbye to my past and let so many negative thoughts and feelings go just by cutting my hair.  I have lifted 23 years of oppression off my shoulders.  I am in touch with myself and the world around me.  Acceptance has brought me so much happiness.

I love me.

Thank you Betsy C, Jackie V, and Alison B for being amazing women.  You have each inspired and empowered me in more ways than you know.  Thank you for being in my life. 

 Brittany: After