Rachel's missing South Africa a LOT!

It is so difficult to put into words how I feel about being home. I am back into my normal routine of life now.   School work, school work, school work, swim, school work. I know it isn’t exciting, and sometimes life isn’t. South Africa definitely gave me the best experiences of my life.  It taught me, as I said I my first blog entry, more than I have learned in my entire collage career. Being in South Africa, isn’t at all like being in Storrs.  Instead of looking out a window and seeing zebras on Table Mountain, I am now looking out at cows on horse barn hill (which isn’t as pleasing visually and even worse is the smell).   Except now when I walk onto smelly campus, I have a different attitude, a different view on life, and a different purpose than I originally thought I had here.  Did South Africa change who I am? I have to say no.  I am the same person with maybe a few corrections. I could never say that my life is changed forever, because it never was destined to be a certain way.  It was never set in stone or planned out. 

I only add to my knowledge and experiences.  I try my hardest to only add good ones, but bad experiences get stuck in there every once in a while and those make me a stronger person as well.  South Africa just happened to be a very large experience that shaped my views of life much differently than I first had anticipated them to be.  However, a wise professor once told me that no one should have expectations.  And I really believe that now.  I don’t know where life is going to lead me.  I’m not even sure I know what I want right now.  But, being in South Africa, showed me that there are many different options.  I learned about things that I didn’t even know existed in this world. Things I never thought about. Only, while I was in South Africa, I was presented with a new challenge everyday while here, my challenge is the same everyday (getting through school and work).  The things I learned in South Africa, felt like life lesson that are never taught to you growing up and they seemed so much more relevant. While here, who cares how many mitochondria are in one person’s body?  I guess I am going on about nothing here really.  That’s kind of how I feel though.  I miss South Africa a LOT!  And right now in my life, that is all I know.  I am confused, and want it back.
        

Sarah recognizing how she's changed....

It’s sort of depressing to think no one’s really reading these blogs any more…no one besides us at least.  That period of our life is officially over.  While I am certainly nostalgic, and I can’t say I wouldn’t accept a plane ticket back, I am at peace with our experience.

We’ve all grown; we’re all forever a part of each other, linked through a period in our lives that changed everything.   There are little parts that do escape my mind every now and then.  We presented our symposium a couple of weeks ago, and memories that slipped my mind flooded back.  Within the presentation, there was a picture of me kneeling in front of a newly organized bookcase, filled with books we raised back in the U.S.  Some how, I totally forgot we did that.  Or at least I hadn’t thought about it in a while.  Being together obviously sparks those memories and calms my fears that I’m some how compartmentalizing everything I learned.

I’m starting to realize, though, I really haven’t compartmentalized everything as much as I thought.  Sometimes it’s hard for me to see change in myself, but if I really step back and look at myself, I really have changed so much.  I’m not being challenged every day like I was in South Africa, which is one of the most depressing parts about being home.  I remember calling my Mom from Loch Road at the end of a day and telling her a lot of times my head would hurt after thinking so much for so long.  Every little thing, from taking the mini-bus to school, to deciphering an Afrikaans accent, to connecting injustices in a new democracy to a democracy that has been in place since 1776, my brain was constantly on over-drive.  Here, things are pretty mundane.  I am, however, able to think about the mundane more critically now, to see past the little life I live thanks to my experience in South Africa.

I saw Brittany a couple of nights ago, and she said something that kind of stuck with me and pretty much summed up how I feel about the friendships we’ve formed.  She said she loves seeing everyone, because it just reminds her that life is good.  I guess written down it seems a little simple, but that’s exactly how it feels.  Every time I see someone from our group, a flood of memories just comes rushing back.  Not a day goes by that I’m not grateful for my opportunity, and I know I will take it with me where ever I go.