It has been a wild week since I last wrote my blog about finding my calling as a midwife. Things have been picking up at my internship, I have continued to shadow Ciska and Susan, the midwives, and we have traveled to Plettenburgbaai to hurl ourselves off the highest bridge used for commercial bungee jumping in the world.
When I think about bungee jumping, I like to think of it as a metaphor for pursuing this trip to South Africa. I have always been terrified of heights, and often get nervous on our hikes, in elevators, or simply being in a tall building. We watched Ben’s bungee video and I almost wished that I hadn’t. The bridge was so high, and he fell for so long. I was convinced that I would get to the edge of the bridge and freeze. I knew that they couldn’t push us, so I had to continually tell myself that it would be me and me alone getting myself off of the bridge.
When I transferred from Smith College to UConn I had my eye on this program, and from the get-go was sure that I was going to go to South Africa, no matter what. As the date of our departure got closer and closer, I began to feel nervous. Would I fit in? Would I like it? Would I miss my home and family too much? The night before I left, as I said goodbye to friends and my boyfriend, my brother and my mom, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I thought, “What the hell am I getting myself into? Why am I flying half a world away from everything and everyone I love?”
As I sunk into the hostel bed the night before our jump I had many of the same sentiments. “Why would I jump off a perfectly good bridge when I don’t have to, and kind of really don’t want to? What am I trying to prove?”
When I stepped off of solid, well-supported ground and onto the rickety, see-through walk-way that would surely bring me to my sudden death, I felt surprisingly at peace. I was boarding the plane to South Africa all over again. I was embarking on a new, exciting journey that would leave me forever changed. I was literally enacting what I had metaphorically done a little over six weeks ago. I was plunging into the great unknown. In this abyss I would confront my fears and anxieties not only of my new surroundings, but also confronting the flaws and strengths of my own character.
I reached the edge of the platform and knew I was ready. I was going to jump, of my own free will, into the unknown. I feel that I have learned, over the past few weeks, that I was also ready for this jump, both the literal and metaphorical. I think back to all the people that have taught me valuable life skills, and how each one prepared me for this huge leap. Conflict resolution, critical thought, and map-reading from my mother, a broad base of wonderfully immature humor from my brother, cooking and a sense of direction from my boyfriend, and finally my knowledge of music, composure in tense situations, and talking out problems and obstacles from my father. All of these qualities and traits have helped me tremendously and have prepared me for this journey, as well as for my adult life.
This week we were really gearing up for Cape Town Pride and a strategic planning meeting for Gender DynamiX. This weekend, GDX will have the first float to be devoted to transgender individuals in Cape Town Pride history. It has been such an honor to be able to participate in such an historic event, and can’t wait to march, with extreme pride (excuse the pun), alongside these incredibly courageous, strong, men and women.
I also have the privilege to take minutes for the strategic planning meeting this weekend. GDX has invited over twenty transpeople, from all over the country, to participate in a meeting that will help GDX determine its programming and focus for the next two years. It is an incredible opportunity not only to see how NGOs function and take cues from their constituents, but also to meet people who have such a diverse set of experiences, thoughts, and dreams for what GDX can achieve.
On the other hand, I am also gaining valuable experience shadowing Ciska and Susan, independent midwives for Birth Options in Plumstead. This week I sat in on a few appointments, and also learned how to identify which way a fetus is facing, and thus, where to find the heartbeat. I have learned so much about pregnancy, midwifery, breastfeeding, and by extention, the amazing and wonderful things women’s bodies can do. I also accompanied Ciska on a post-natal home visit. Ciska helped the new parents work through breastfeeding issues, sleeping arrangements, co-parenting, as well as the numerous fears and trepidations that come with the territory of being new parents. It has been amazing to see the many roles of midwives: as nurse, counselor, mother’s aide, friend, coach, sister, and mother herself.
Sometimes I wonder how my two experiences are compatible: half the week I am Michelle, intern and activist for trans issues, and for one day a week I am Michelle, apprentice midwife. How are these worlds connected? One of my co-workers at GDX asked me that the other day. He asked me what I wanted to do, and after replying that I wanted to be a midwife, he thought for a minute, and then asked, “Well, that’s nice, but what the dickens does catching babies have to do with trans issues?” I was caught a little off guard by this comment, and it really made me think about how I can connect these two seemingly separate realms. I have thought a lot about it, and I have decided that first and foremost, as a feminist, trans issues are by and large ignored. I am excited to take back what I have learned and share it with my co-workers at the Women’s Center. Secondly, I truly believe that this work could someday be integral to my work as a midwife. What if, someday, a transman or woman comes to see me with their partner? Trans people face unique reproductive rights battles that cannot be separated from the battles of ciswomen (women who are born biologically women and identify their gender as female).
I am completely exhausted, but in a good way, and can’t wait to wear a shirt that I made for the Pride Parade tomorrow. It simply reads: TRANScend Hate.
No comments:
Post a Comment