Erica free falling into a new reality

On January 15 I boarded a plane to South Africa, and in doing so I bungy jumped. There is no doubt about it—when I got on that plane I dove into a beautiful abyss, having no expectations whatsoever. The bridge I jumped from was made out of my former self—it was built from fear, misunderstanding, passivity, apathy, confusion, and failed attempts. But when I jumped off of that bridge, and took a risk, I found myself in South Africa, learning more than I ever have from sitting behind a desk in a classroom. When I boarded that plane, I dove into the issues of racism, poverty, inequality, injustice, hate, and fear, all the while strengthening myself and bracing myself for the recoil of the realities I would have to face here. I think that’s why we, and every other UConn group that has come here before us, decided to take that 6-hour drive to Plettenburg and throw ourselves off of that bridge. It’s because bungy jumping is, without a doubt, a physical manifestation of everything we’ve been doing from the moment we arrived in Cape Town. For me, bungy jumping was so much more than a thrilling adrenalin rush that left me breathless and wanting more. In a larger sense, it was a moment of personal strength that represented everything I’ve been doing thus far—free falling into understanding, compassion, self-love, love for others, healing, reconciliation, and hope.

            When I got to Bloukrans Bridge the reality of what I was doing there began to sink in. They told us we could not choose who went first and that they would choose for us. When he said that, an overwhelming feeling came over me. I thought to myself, “You’re going first.” I just knew that I was. When the time came for him to announce who was going to be the first one off of the bridge, I already knew what he was going to say, “Erica, you’re up.” But I was so ready. Loud techno music and the support of my wonderful new friends certainly helped me to dance my way to the edge of that bridge, but it was also a strength inside of myself…a kind of strength I had never really felt before. The man helping us said to me, “Do you have any last words?” With a huge smile on my face, I replied, “This is awesome!” I hopped and danced my way to the edge and then they counted down. “5, 4, 3, 2, 1…bungy!” And then I dove. I free fell with my arms spread out wide, into a beautiful abyss of green mountains, blue sky, and rushing river water. And then—silence. Nothing but the sound of my own breathing. I lost all sense of time and space and, forcing my eyes open, I saw a beautiful landscape spinning beneath me. It was the most peaceful moment of my entire life. There were no words, but words came to me still—I spoke aloud to myself, “This is so beautiful”. I felt connected, spiritual, emotional, strong, alive. In fact, it was the most alive I have ever been.

            I told myself before the jump that there were things I wanted to leave behind on top of that bridge forever. I wanted to leave behind insecurity, weakness, sadness, anger, and my past. I wanted to leave it all behind me and dive into an endless abyss of peace, calm, and beauty. The reality is, I cannot leave all of those things on top of that bridge. The reality is that they will stay with me because they are a part of me. However, I can ALWAYS bring myself back to the moment I jumped—the moment I let go of those things and dove into a future of self-love, self-esteem, power and strength. I can always bring myself back to the feeling that I really am on top of the world, with no fear and no weakness. I can always bring myself back to that moment of pure strength where I felt like I could change the world. Whenever I need to, I can go back to that moment in my head and feel just as free as the moment I first jumped. And that’s all I could ever ask for in life.

            The reality is, that I began my jump the moment I boarded the plane to South Africa. When I return home, I know I will take with me all of the lessons I learned from jumping into this and facing it head on. I will take with me all of the lessons I’ve learned from my friends here in South Africa. I will take with me all of the lessons I learned from taking risks and opening my mind and becoming a stronger person. I will take with me all of the lessons I’ve learned about this country and its people and how they’re strength and resilience is a true testament to the good of humanity.

  Being in South Africa has been a thrilling, rushing, loud, quiet, peaceful, calm, crazy, hectic, educational, emotional, spiritual, powerful, brave free-fall. I don’t think I’ll ever come back up.