Leah's first blog entry

Hi everyone! 

I’m reading Waiting for the Barbarians right now and came across this perfect quote to describe my time in South Africa so far…

“So now it seems my easy years are coming to an end, when I could sleep with a tranquil heart knowing that with a nudge here and a touch there the world would stay steady on its course.”

I wondered the other day if I will ever stop wrestling with these social, political, personal, and philosophical issues that I have been confronted with upon my arrival in Cape Town; if I will ever sleep easy again. I concluded that the answer is probably no – but it is better that way. After only three weeks I feel as though my life and outlook have been irrevocably transformed. I am so incredibly grateful that I have been given this opportunity to expand my mind, push my limits, challenge my comfort zone, and grow so much! I know everyone I live with is so sick of hearing this story, but my revelations really all started with the minibuses…

We had our minibus taxi exercise in the first or second week (the days continue to blend together…). Minibus taxis are a form of transportation – they’re actually privately owned but they function like public transportation. They are these vans (sometimes with interesting names like “Sexy Lady” or “Dream Catcher” but those are the ones that do not comply with government regulations…). Basically, Ben took us to the train station, pointed in the direction of the minibuses, and sent us on our missions. Brett and I were to find the minibus taxi to Wynberg and the cost of a ride. We walked up the stairs that Ben had guided us toward expecting to see a terminal with a time board but instead we were suddenly thrust into some kind of bizarre/flea market. Almost immediately, Brett and I were completely lost and had to ask a security guard for directions. He gestured to the left but some man next to him offered to take us to the minibuses. For whatever reason, we followed this man. As he took us through this market, all I felt was overwhelming discomfort. I felt completely lost and all I could hear were the clicks of Xhosa. I had never been more aware of the color of my skin in my life. I just wanted to crawl out of my skin and try to blend in, but we so obviously stuck out. I was picturing the worst but to my surprise, our personal tour guide ended up taking us to the right place (and did not scam us in any way). Then the minibus taxi driver told us the price without jacking it up even though we were obviously foreigners. These people were so honest and willing to help, yet I had felt uncomfortable and nervous. Why? I have been turning this question over in my head ever since. I know that I was not just nervous because I was unfamiliar with the city. When I studied in Granada, I was amongst Spanish speakers in a totally new culture, but they were white. I never felt the discomfort in Spain that I felt in Cape Town. I have decided that this minibus experience perfectly demonstrates the racism that is so alive in our social institutions, media, and American life. I never considered myself a racist. I have had friends who were not white. But being thrown into this situation, I felt so uneasy because I have been taught to feel uneasy. I have been taught to be unconsciously racist. We all have!  From the perspective of the laws to the “bad guys” in the media, there is racism woven into the fabric of our society.

Since my minibus taxi experience, I have felt so much more comfortable in this city and with myself! I am proud to know that I have challenged my comfort level, recognized the racism that I have grown up with, and moved past it. I do not know if you can ever ignore the fact that you are in the racial minority, but I have definitely become more comfortable with it. Now I am totally shocked when I see other white people on minibus taxis (though it is extremely infrequent). I had always thought that I understood the concept of racism and white privilege, but theories and ideas only really make sense once you live them. Race never seemed like a big deal to me and I had always prided myself on not noticing the color of skin. But everything changes once you are in the minority. Then race is impossible to ignore.