Erica braces herself for the new journey she is about to begin

As this is my final blog entry, my thoughts may be a bit scattered, so bare with me. One week from today I will be back in the United States. In the past week I have hiked Lion’s Head again  (this time in the day light!), I went to the top of Table Mountain, and I went skydiving. I thought that maybe seeing Cape Town from an aerial view (while at the same time doing something exhilarating!) would be the perfect way to say goodbye to this place I call home. I felt like maybe, by keeping busy, and my soaking up all the precious moments I have left in South Africa, that I could have some closure and feel good about going home. But I’ve begun to realize that these last few days will not, and should not, be about closure. I’ve begun to realize that this really isn’t the end. This is the beginning of a whole new journey, possibly an even more difficult journey. While talking to Kayley last week, we agreed upon something that shook us up quite a bit. At one point, we had thought that the hardest part would be leaving the United States. At another point, we had thought that the hardest part would be living in South Africa. And now, at the end, we have realized that the hardest part is neither of those things—the hardest part is returning home. The hardest part is remembering all that we’ve learned here and not letting ourselves forget, even for a second, how this place has affected our hearts and minds. The hardest part is returning back to the United States and seeing it with an entirely new perspective, trying to adjust. The hardest part is adapting our new selves to our old environment. The reality is that returning home is going to be the hardest part of the journey thus far…harder than any other obstacle we’ve overcome. And so, we brace ourselves…

 I thought that in these last few weeks I would attempt to detach myself from my students at Thandokhulu and the babies at Themba Care. However, in fact, quite the opposite occurred. I feel as though I have become even more attached as I try to come to terms with the fact that I will not be seeing these people every day. Last week I gave a number of my students the bracelets that I made for them so that they could wear them and remember me. One of my students said to me this week, “Miss, you are the only person I know in America. So when I grow up and graduate university and make a lot of money, can I come stay with you in the United States?” The students are so eager to learn, to grow, to travel—they have truly inspired me in ways that they may never even know. They have given new meaning to the word dedication.

I’ve been spending a great deal of time thinking about Imange (one of the babies I work with at Themba Care) and how much he’s improved…and how I wish I could continue to follow his progress and see him grow even stronger. This past Friday Imange was strong enough to hold his own bottle. He was even playing with blocks and now Imange smiles more than ever. In a few days, I will have to say goodbye to Imange. He’s too little to know how much he’s changed my life, but it’s truly amazing that a tiny little infant has changed me in ways unimaginable.

Last week, the books arrived at Thandokhulu! The students and teachers were so excited to see all of their new books. Sarah, Leah, and I have spent the past few days labeling and alphabetizing the books so that Thandokhulu can finally have a real library.  As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, Thandokhulu, a school of 1,056 students, only had 30 books in their library. After this week, they will have over 300 books. On behalf of Thandokhulu Senior Secondary School, Leah, Sarah, and I would like to thank everyone who contributed to this book drive. Your contribution will significantly change the lives of the students at Thandokhulu. Again, thank you so much for all of your donations. This couldn’t have happened without all of you.

Tonight we will host our going away braii (the South African word for barbeque). All of our teachers and friends will be coming to 10 Loch in just a few hours to wrap up the year—good food and good people. Throughout the week we’re going to be really busy with “last” things—I keep thinking to myself, “When will my last mini-bus taxi ride be?” “When will I have my last Magnum ice-cream bar?” “When will the last time be that I have to lock (or unlock) the broken gate with my broken key?” Even now as I write this, I realize that this will be my last blog. I can’t even imagine saying to myself, “This is the last time you will see Table Mountain…”

I’m going home and I’m leaving home…

And, as I write that sentence, I feel as though I am back on top of Bloukrans Bridge, about to bungee jump. I’m so scared, but I am so strong, and so ready, to face whatever comes next. This country has forever changed me. I am a stronger, more confident woman for having come here.

I know I will never look at my own country, or the world for that matter, the same way that I did before I came here. Though I don’t think there will ever come a time where I’m not nostalgic for this place, I know that his has been an incredible, life-changing experience and I know that part of the journey is returning back home. I know that I’m not ready to leave, but maybe that just means I’m more ready than ever. Its just time… it just is. I will return back to the United States with a new vigor for life and a new kind of understanding of humanity, and that’s all that I could have ever asked for and more.