Brett on stepping out of the bubble and becoming grounded

Brett at Cape Point

Before I came on this trip, my head was filled with many ideas of criticisms of modern American society, but I never knew if I was just struggling with unhappiness and depression, or if my complaints were grounded in reality. Not being an outwardly expressive person, my trouble with modern American society mainly kept me more quiet and subdued than open and willing to talk. I didn’t know if my feelings of uncomfortable depersonalization in shopping malls, and loneliness when regarding the specialization of future careers were merely teenage musings or grounded claims. Growing up, a good deal of my troubles were caused by the biological effects of depression, but coming here has allowed me to Return to list of postssee that the other factors in my society both helped to contribute and exacerbate these problems. 

Coming here has allowed me to step outside the bubble that was my suburban youth, to step outside of the bubble which is my family, to step outside the bubble which is America, and to get a glimpse of the real parameters which hold life between existing and not existing. Maybe it was on the game walk in Kruger national park when I realized I wasn’t the top of the food chain, looking down and realizing I was walking on other living things recycled before me, or in the shark cage looking at a shark and realizing it was watching me. As it passed, without music from jaws or the discovery channel, I could almost recognize a common nature in his eyes, a curiosity. On the other end of the spectrum, there is not much like the feeling when you walk down the street and someone calls out, ‘hey white boy’, whitey, come over here. The feeling is somewhat like alienation, of differentiation, which makes me feel like I don’t belong .  In these situations I feel the sense of powers at work, larger than my own. It is humbling to be tossed down by a wave in the ocean, and spun around like a doll in a washing machine, and it is also humbling, in a sense that one can let down all of their ego when walking through a township. These forces, like seasons of the weather, which maybe we don’t notice in the states because we’ve grown accustomed to or deny the chill of capitalist depersonalization, when they flow around me and through me here, I try not to shut myself off. In the townships, that is not any more difficult than encouraging someone to take a coat off in the summer; the warmth of humanity is contagious, and the urge to dance while walking is not but a small step, which is aided by the house music bumping from one minibus or shibeen. The ease with which people, perfect strangers, drop their present tasks and enjoy an afternoon with you is that which no American I have met has been able to appreciate the freedom of.

This trip has been good in that it has given me first a new perspective, another perspective to compare the world to the one I grew up in. Secondly, it has given me hope. This trip has been very helpful in affirming and reaffirming ideas or questions that I had been toying with for a long time in the States. How will it affect my career goals and life choices? Well, for one, I will be a great deal more conscious of race and gender. Especially as someone who is interested in media and entertainment, even with my small show on UCTV, I can be much more conscious of my decisions. I think the media is one of the leading proponents of the continuation of racism, if not the largest, and to change the tide of that would do much to curb institutionalized racism.

Another thing that I have gained from this trip is that I don’t have to accept the problems of the world as, ‘well that’s just the way it is.’ I think I have learned this mostly from my fellow housemates who have strong views on a myriad of issues. I don’t merely have to personally disagree and go on with my life. All of these issues can be changed and I have the power to change them within the context of my influence. A lot of things are coming together for me now as I am emerging from a confusing sea which was the mixed messages of youth. I am beginning to feel a bit grounded in my life, and will soon be able to carve a niche out for myself and stand for what I believe in.