Brett's journey back across time and distance

Cape Point, South Africa, January 2010

It has now been about six months since I have been back from South Africa. I am in a general routine of what I do every day, from classes, to the library, to the dining hall, and the dorm, sometimes the gym, or running outside. It is nice to run, outside, in my new sneakers, against the blacktop, on campus or on the roads around. The days are getting colder now, the air a bit sharper, I feel it in my heels and in my lungs. I study in the library, and play guitar in my dorm room mostly. It is Life as I have known it. There is a full moon tonight, I think that is exciting, once a month there is a full moon, as much a reason to celebrate as anything, more reliable than grades. South Africa is 7000 miles away. I don’t say this with sadness, or ‘homesickness’, the separation of land is 7000 miles. The separation of time is 6 months. I am back on the life track now, on the track of school and studies, and I am plugging away, at this necessary evil, or if not evil, inconvenience. So many boxes, that we live in, from our bedrooms to our classrooms to our kitchens, and it is hard to think outside them mostly, or dangerous, if I want to stay on track. This is not the best of all possible worlds, it certainly isn’t the worst, but one would think that privilege would guarantee a certain amount ease, or happiness. Power yes, for diplomas are powerful, and easy in comparison to the lives of others, but not easy none the less.  As the plane pulled into JFK airport I felt a sense of familiarity engulf me as the plane taxied along the runway. It was drizzling that day, and we pulled in under the clouds. I no longer feel the heat of the African sun on my skin when I wake up in the morning; the climate is mellow here. Back in the suburbs, the realities of life and death are mellow, and with it, the unspoken bond of humanity.

Rachel's missing South Africa a LOT!

It is so difficult to put into words how I feel about being home. I am back into my normal routine of life now.   School work, school work, school work, swim, school work. I know it isn’t exciting, and sometimes life isn’t. South Africa definitely gave me the best experiences of my life.  It taught me, as I said I my first blog entry, more than I have learned in my entire collage career. Being in South Africa, isn’t at all like being in Storrs.  Instead of looking out a window and seeing zebras on Table Mountain, I am now looking out at cows on horse barn hill (which isn’t as pleasing visually and even worse is the smell).   Except now when I walk onto smelly campus, I have a different attitude, a different view on life, and a different purpose than I originally thought I had here.  Did South Africa change who I am? I have to say no.  I am the same person with maybe a few corrections. I could never say that my life is changed forever, because it never was destined to be a certain way.  It was never set in stone or planned out. 

I only add to my knowledge and experiences.  I try my hardest to only add good ones, but bad experiences get stuck in there every once in a while and those make me a stronger person as well.  South Africa just happened to be a very large experience that shaped my views of life much differently than I first had anticipated them to be.  However, a wise professor once told me that no one should have expectations.  And I really believe that now.  I don’t know where life is going to lead me.  I’m not even sure I know what I want right now.  But, being in South Africa, showed me that there are many different options.  I learned about things that I didn’t even know existed in this world. Things I never thought about. Only, while I was in South Africa, I was presented with a new challenge everyday while here, my challenge is the same everyday (getting through school and work).  The things I learned in South Africa, felt like life lesson that are never taught to you growing up and they seemed so much more relevant. While here, who cares how many mitochondria are in one person’s body?  I guess I am going on about nothing here really.  That’s kind of how I feel though.  I miss South Africa a LOT!  And right now in my life, that is all I know.  I am confused, and want it back.
        

Sarah recognizing how she's changed....

It’s sort of depressing to think no one’s really reading these blogs any more…no one besides us at least.  That period of our life is officially over.  While I am certainly nostalgic, and I can’t say I wouldn’t accept a plane ticket back, I am at peace with our experience.

We’ve all grown; we’re all forever a part of each other, linked through a period in our lives that changed everything.   There are little parts that do escape my mind every now and then.  We presented our symposium a couple of weeks ago, and memories that slipped my mind flooded back.  Within the presentation, there was a picture of me kneeling in front of a newly organized bookcase, filled with books we raised back in the U.S.  Some how, I totally forgot we did that.  Or at least I hadn’t thought about it in a while.  Being together obviously sparks those memories and calms my fears that I’m some how compartmentalizing everything I learned.

I’m starting to realize, though, I really haven’t compartmentalized everything as much as I thought.  Sometimes it’s hard for me to see change in myself, but if I really step back and look at myself, I really have changed so much.  I’m not being challenged every day like I was in South Africa, which is one of the most depressing parts about being home.  I remember calling my Mom from Loch Road at the end of a day and telling her a lot of times my head would hurt after thinking so much for so long.  Every little thing, from taking the mini-bus to school, to deciphering an Afrikaans accent, to connecting injustices in a new democracy to a democracy that has been in place since 1776, my brain was constantly on over-drive.  Here, things are pretty mundane.  I am, however, able to think about the mundane more critically now, to see past the little life I live thanks to my experience in South Africa.

I saw Brittany a couple of nights ago, and she said something that kind of stuck with me and pretty much summed up how I feel about the friendships we’ve formed.  She said she loves seeing everyone, because it just reminds her that life is good.  I guess written down it seems a little simple, but that’s exactly how it feels.  Every time I see someone from our group, a flood of memories just comes rushing back.  Not a day goes by that I’m not grateful for my opportunity, and I know I will take it with me where ever I go.

Erica's holding on to the memories

Returning back from South Africa was just as difficult of a transition as I thought it would be. This summer, I participated in Semester at Sea. I spent the summer traveling the Mediterranean amidst the commercialism and material wealth of some of the richest countries in Europe. After being in South Africa for 4 ½ months, I felt so out of place. I went from being a volunteer and activist in South Africa to being a tourist in Italy and Spain. After visiting 5 European countries this summer, it was time to go back to Africa, this time to Northern Africa. Visiting Egypt and Morocco was especially difficult. How could I only visit these countries for 7 days and sit on a tour bus, looking out the window at the extensive poverty, and do nothing about it? As we drove through Alexandria and Cairo, I stared out at what seemed like miles and miles of tiny shacks and bare-footed children begging for food and money. I saw men and women working tirelessly in fields. I saw children bathing in the Nile River, one of the most polluted water sources in the world. I was reminded of Kahyelitsha and Nyanga and yet on Semester at Sea I was trapped by the confines of a tour bus. In Egypt and Morocco, I felt like I could only hear the people’s voices and understand their experiences for a split second, before the bus moved on to a new destination. In Alexandria, Egypt and Casablanca, Morocco I visited orphanages and children’s homes in an attempt to get to know the people of these countries. I spent all day with the children and tried to learn as much as I could in just a few short hours about the country’s economic, social, and political issues. But at the end of the day, I had to go home. Unlike South Africa, I only caught glimpses of the country’s people, and could only do so much in the short time I was there. It was beyond frustrating. Then, after 6 full months of being outside of the United States, I finally had to return home to America. I had just a few days to catch up with my family before heading back to UConn.

Being back at UConn is strange. It’s surreal. It’s depressing. It’s quiet. It’s mundane. I feel unchallenged and often unmotivated in many of my classes. Being in Neag School of Education at UConn is a privilege, however my role in Neag right now is simply to observe and to take notes. Simply observing in an elementary school in Glastonbury (one of the wealthiest school districts in Connecticut) is extremely frustrating after teaching at Thandokhulu and having so many exciting and challenging experiences, such as teaching my own classes, making my own lesson plans, and interacting one on one with my students.

            I dream about Cape Town almost every night. I can still feel the wind on my face as I stood on top of Table Mountain. I can still feel the adrenalin of jumping off of the world’s highest bungy jump. I can still heart the sounds of the minibus taxis, taste the braii, see the bright sunlight coming up over the mountains on my walk through the Commons. I miss Cape Town more than anything. I miss Imange from Themba Care and all of my students at Thandokhulu. I miss the excitement, the challenges, the obstacles. I miss feeling empowered. I miss the support system. Right now, it is only October and I’ve only been in the United States for two months, so I’m still working on incorporating all that I learned and experienced in South Africa into my life here in Connecticut. I know that everything will fall into place and that I will find the resources I need in order to continue work in activism and social justice. I have confidence in myself. I know that time will help, and that my transition back home will get easier and easier as time goes on. For now, I’ll just hold the memories of Cape Town close and work hard to align the person I was in Cape Town and the life I led in Cape Town with the person I am here and the life I am leading here.

Meredith's realizations since she's returned.

That place changed me.  I could never be the same and I never want to be the same.  I constantly find myself thinking about Africa and telling stories that people won’t really understand and it isn’t anyone’s fault.  I have learned to accept the fact that South Africa was the biggest part of my life but cannot be fully shared.  Even the twelve of us on the trip had completely different experiences, how could someone from America possibly understand it?  

At first being back that was a incredibly empty feeling in my stomach.  No one will ever understand.  I’m not exactly sure why I had this outrageous fantasy in my head that I will get back from Cape Town and share my experiences with my loved ones and it will just click for everyone here.  As if I could seriously make everyone say “Wow! I want to change the world now” based on my stories? Seriously wishful thinking.  

What I did realize since being back though is that you can’t change the world all in one day.  It is a process in which every little thing helps and works.  You have to keep trying and fighting and slowly

you will get through the people.  A few people in my life who I love have very different views from me on many things.  Especially after coming back from South Africa where my views have been incredibly magnified from first hand experiences.  When first coming back, it was hard to hear that those

that I love have completely different views that me on certain issues.  In fact based on my personality type, I even got incredibly offended by certain things.  I don’t mean to sound conceded or anything, I just could not understand how people felt that way.  

What I realized after being home for a few months though was that everyone will have different opinions on different things based on what they have gone through, grew up with, or what kind of person they are.  Sure, most of the people I had debates with still believe what they are going to want to believe.  But what I know for sure is that I made them think.  And you know what else, those people made me think.  Maybe I didn’t have the “eureka!” impact I was hoping I could have on people, but I do know that I 

started turning those gears in there minds.

Leah on shifting her perspective

It seems almost silly to write about why my time in South Africa was important. My experience has irrevocably changed my life, my views, and my future. I cannot imagine who I would be today without those four months. Though perhaps I cannot begin to guess who I would be with any four month period of my life eliminated, these four months were especially important in shaping the person I have become.

Recently I have been thinking about how I do not carry a notebook anymore. In South Africa, I used to carry a small notepad with me so that I could write facts down as I learned them (got this idea from Britt – thanks!). Back in America, I have ceased doing so. I have not ceased learning, but it made me sad to think about the fact that I was learning something totally new every single day in South Africa and was compelled to write it down to commit it to memory.






Going to South Africa exposed me to realities to which I had previously been ignorant. I came to understand the world and my place in it in a totally new way. As I began to think more about the fact that I no longer carry a notepad with me, I realized that it is not so bad. My time in South Africa was not about the facts that I collected in a book. I cannot remember the exact numbers and I have not referenced the book and I am not ashamed about that. My time in South Africa was not about the accumulation of knowledge. Instead, it was a shifting of perspective; a rare lifetime experience that I am eternally grateful for.

Adam's tug of war

 I’ve been back in America for over five months now.  Storrs, CT is not quite as I remember it.  The main campus has been put into a state of total renovation that has closed off areas I used to take for granted.  The weather is changing and for the first time in several months I feel cold when I step out my front door.  I’m miles from the ocean and beaches.  I’m bogged down with schoolwork and applying for law school.  Storrs Fall 2010 is definitely no Cape Town Spring 2010.

All the time I find myself craving to be back in Cape Town.  There was always so much excitement and interesting things to do.  When I left I felt I had just gotten into the groove of things; the walk to my internship, the mini-bus taxis, and just the entire Capetonian way of life.  There is just so much nostalgia when I look back at my whole experience that it feels a little overwhelming.  When I left I felt as if I had just gotten to know a good friend and then was ripped away to go back home.  It is a homesick sort of feeling that I’ve only ever felt in much smaller doses than I do now.

When I am home I just feel so much more pressure to prove myself.  I have to get all A’s, I have to break a 160 on the LSAT’s, I have to go to a good law school.  In Cape Town there wasn’t any of this stress.  I just lived without constantly worrying about the future.  I lived more in the moment, which now that I’m home is proving to be more and more difficult to do.  It makes me think is it impossible for me to find that state of being that I was in during my time in Cape Town?  Is it possible for me to live in the moment in Storrs, at home in New York, or wherever I go after graduation? 

            

It is the longing for the past that pulls me in one direction and the uncertainty of the future that tugs me the other way.  This tug of war leaves me exhausted and anxious.  It becomes clear to me that what I must do for both the present and the future is find that center, that Cape Town way of life.

Katherine: looking back, moving forward

I have developed a reverse homesickness for Cape Town.  I have learned and changed a lot since studying abroad in Cape Town, South Africa.  A major change I have noticed in myself is my awareness of racial layouts everywhere I go.  I am much more attuned to noticing inequality, separations, and how America is not quite the “melting pot” it claims to be.  Also, I have become much more vocal about challenging racially infused comments that my friends, family, and others make.  Much of what I notice about race is frustrating because if the mighty United States cannot make equality and racial mingling work, who will? It is also hard to talk about race with Americans because it is a taboo subject that many people try not avoid discussing because we like to think we have moved beyond this hurdle.

After returning to the United States, I was home for a few weeks before I moved down to Washington, DC for the summer.  I took a political science class at Georgetown University and interned at an HIV/AIDS organization called MetroTeen AIDS.  This was an extremely valuable experience to have had after being in South Africa because I was able to connect my experience abroad with something in the United States (something I highly recommend doing for all you future study abroaders).  After  volunteering at the Treatment Action Campaign which is an HIV/AIDS organization in the Cape Town township of Khayelitsha, I was able to bridge this experience by working at MTA.  I found that problems that surround HIV in South Africa are similar to HIV/AIDS issues in the United States.  Washington, DC has the highest rate of HIV in the United States- 1 in 20 people, or 5% of the population in the district.  This is a staggeringly high number for the United States, a country that is supposed to be more advanced then South Africa.  As in South Africa, HIV is heavily stigmatized in the United States and affects the poorest areas.  The poorest areas of DC are those that are predominantly inhabited by blacks, just like South Africa.  At MTA, I scheduled and helped present HIV 101 presentations to affected youth.  While I lived in the wealthiest part of DC (Georgetown), I was able to balance out my experience of DC by working in the poorest areas (the southeast quarter).

It has been frustrating trying not to talk too much about my experiences in South Africa to my friends and family.  I do not want them to stop listening to me or get sick of hearing about, “well in South Africa I…”  It is an experience that has had a permanent effect on my life.  My experience has solidified by decision to choose a career path where I continue to help others.  As of now, I have applied to Teach For America and hope to be able to continue to serve others if I am accepted to teach within this organization.  

Katherine with her supervisors: Shena and Nicole at MetroTeenAIDS

UCONN

Signal Hill, Cape Town, 17 January 2010

Back row: Leah, Katherine, Michelle, Pamela, Rachel; 
Middle Row: Brett, Sarah, Erica, Meredith, Adam;
Front Row: Brittany, Kayley